Maybe next time I won't try pills. I mean, you'd think a half a bottle of Valium would do the trick. Maybe it would have, but I had to toss in a fifth of Jack Daniels. Passed out, as I would have expected. What I didn't expect was waking up, head stuck to the sidewalk, mired in puke. Hospital first. Loony bin later.
No, it wasn't dear old Ma who paid my way to Aspen Springs. According to Dr. B, it was, in fact, dear old dad. Dad, who dumped Ma and me when I was still shitting green.
Aspen Springs
They call this place a "treatment center" But that's just a nice name for what it really is- a loony bin Everyone here is crazy, even the 'doctors' Mostly druggies- that's how I got here Half a bottle of Valium and a fifth of Jack Daniels "The big S, the first thing they do is lock you away by yourself, like you might try to do someone else in, 'cause you didn't do yourself good enough. Then some lame nurse's aide checks in on you every fifteen minutes, probably hoping you've found a way to finish yourself and save them a whole lot of trouble. After a couple of days the main person you want to struggle is the annoying dude who keeps poking his head through your door. How ya doing? Okay?" But for once in my life, I don't have to have sex. No one demands it in exchange for drugs, ten minutes of disgust for a well-deserved rush.
Before Aspen Springs
I was on the streets, surviving by any means necessary.
Family & Friendship
Ma didn't deserve kids. I'm glad I'm an only child. I guess Dad had every reason to leave Ma in the dust. But did he ever think about me? I mean, if it had been up to her- impossible, all things considered- i'd be back on the streets right now. Dad, who dumped Ma and me when I was still shitting green. 'Course looking back, I guess he had every right to leave Ma in his dust. But did he ever once think about me? Phillip was my only true friend, my savior. Never hurt me, never coerced me. Never lied to me.
Sexuality
I am gay. At least, I think I am. I've never experienced sex in connection with love. My virginity was stolen from me by ma's boyfriend at the time when I was 9. Then juvie. Soon, sex just became a tool to be able to get what I needed to cope, to survive. I guess I just became gay out of experience.
How I cope: Drugs
That's how I lost my mind- a long time ago I even tried crystal- but saw too many people go over the edge So I preferred digging and crawling into a hole where no bad feelings existed- First pot, then downers, and eventually even took the "H train" But there's some things you can't forget No matter how much you drink, snort, or shoot into your veins. The memory stalks you forever, and creeps up to maul you like a rabid dog, when you least expect it.