I should have put the gun to my head, worried less about brain damage, more about getting dead. Finis. Instead, I decided a shot through the heart would make it stop beating, rip it apart to bleed me out. I couldn't even do that right. The bullet hit bone, left my heart in one piece. In hindsight, luck wasn't with me that day. Mom found me too soon, or my pitiful life might have ebbed to the ground in arterial flow. I wanted to fill the empty spaces left by a father who never once praised me, 'friends' who used me, an ice princess mom who raised me with glass kisses.
Aspen Springs
The glass doors are perfect Perfect sync, perfectly timed Yet full of secrets, of mysteries Painted smiles, Fake faces
I'm not even sure how I qualify for admission to Aspen Springs. Does wanting to die equal losing your mind?
Before...
Family
Failure is not allowed. Yet I failed when I pulled the bullet and survived I wonder what Dad will think of this failure And what Mom thought of her new carpet, now blood-stained Everyone has flaws. Even me. Especially me. But i'm not allowed to have flaws, or be flawed, or have any connection to flaw-ness.
My mother is the hardest woman ever- cool, perfect. She'd be a diamond, except you'll never melt one of those. Sometimes, rarely, influenced by full moon or emptiness, she'll rain a single kiss, monsoon on desert, melting glass.
Cara is my twin, though we're about as alike as snowflakes.Cara's in-your-face, while I handle things more discreetly. Our relationship is based on our competition
Emily & Leona
Leona was our family nanny until Cara and I were fourteen She provided me with the care and comfort my mother gave me And taught me how to be a good sex partner too I will always remember her with a love far beyond what a child might feel for his substitute mother.
Causing me to lust after older women- in particular- Emily, my high school teacher. We kept our secret solid for a good length of time But I ended up ruining the lives of both of them. When Emily refused to see me anymore, it almost broke me in two.